For so long, I thought there was something wrong with me.
I was too sensitive to injustice and unfairness.
I would sometimes try to downplay it and would tell myself to settle down – that it wasn’t really that big of a deal.
I now realize, I often deeply betrayed myself because of my own intentional ignoring of my “justice radar”. My heart was begging to point me in the direction of freedom and honor. It took me a long time to acknowledge the voice was true and pure and absolutely worthy of listening to.
Double standards have been a part of my life for such a long time it is no wonder I had grown so numb to them. Some had been double standards developed in my own head, others had been imposed on me, until I finally decided I would live under no one’s thumb any longer.
- It was acceptable for others in my life to be assertive and powerful, but I must be careful to use my voice in a passive and gentle way.
- It was acceptable for others in my life to depend on me, but I must be careful not to depend on others lest I “owe” them something.
- It was acceptable for others to make mistakes, but I must be careful to hide any imperfections in case I open myself up for criticism to be used against me.
- It was acceptable for others to wear whatever they wanted, but I must be concerned about not showing too much, not being too “sloppy”, not being too “seductive”, not being too “stiff”, not being too “flimsy” because I was also responsible for the impure thoughts in other people’s heads.
- It was acceptable for others to make lots of money and grow a large business, but I must be careful not to get too intimidating or too powerful.
- It was acceptable for others to excel in sports and competitions, but I must be careful not to get too much attention, which might be perceived as a lack of loyalty.
- It was acceptable for others to make calls to former partners, be friendly with the opposite sex, travel with the opposite sex, etc, but I must be careful to always be superficial with the opposite sex in case anyone question my loyalty.
- It was acceptable for others to become angry and hurl vulgar and demeaning insults, but I must be careful to bridle my tongue.
- It was acceptable for others to break things and throw things if they were “justifiably angry” but I must be careful to never appear too angry or out of control.
- It was acceptable for others to know and express what they wanted but I must be careful to never appear “selfish”.
- It was acceptable for others to disagree but I must be careful to not appear difficult and disagreeable.
Some of these double standards are difficult to type because they feel so absurd. Yet, they represent just some what I have lived. They were double standards I often would spot and would call out, offended and hurt. Even so, I would cower anyway, ultimately giving in and allowing them to violate me.
Today, these double standards don’t hold weight in my life because I refuse to follow a script someone else has written for me. Others are not entitled to trample on my dignity or autonomy any longer. No one is allowed to abuse power over me. The change in me is this – I became willing to listen to the persistent voice in me that told me I deserved honor and equal treatment, the same as any human. I became willing to walk away from people who did not honor my values of fairness and respect.
What are the double standards you allow to poison you under the surface, like acid eating away at your basic values and self-respect?
You do not have to submit to bullshit double standards and dishonoring rules. I Unapologetically walked away from them all. Are you hungry to do the same? It’s time to be free.