I used to try to control everything. To be honest, sometimes I still do.
I used to put up walls and shut people out. To be honest, sometimes I still do.
I used to put on all the armor and act like nothing bothered me. To be honest, sometimes I still do.
I used to give myself away and refuse to receive. To be honest, sometimes I still do.
I used to avoid situations that might require courage to set boundaries or stand in conflict. To be honest, sometimes I still do.
I used to allow doubt to sabotage love. To be honest, sometimes I still do.
Safety is a funny thing. We will often do just about anything to have it, even if it requires an immense amount of pain and loneliness.
But true safety can only be realized through self-trust.
My safety is no one’s responsibility but my own. I create my own safety through boundaries. Honoring what I need and want. Using my voice. Using my feet. Honoring my worth.
I have betrayed myself so much in this life, it’s deeply impacted my ability to trust myself to keep myself safe and thriving.
So today, I realize I create walls because I don’t trust myself not to venture into unhealthy territory.
I try to control things because I am afraid I won’t have the courage to use my voice to tell you who I really am.
I put on armour because I am not sure how I will handle your rejection.
I avoid conflict because I might not have the courage to honor me with my voice.
I give myself away because I don’t want to owe you for giving to me.
I avoid connection because I might betray my needs for yours.
I allow doubt to destroy love because I don’t trust myself to not lean on your love too much.
Today, I trust myself to use my voice. To use my feet. To honor my needs. To have my own back. To have whatever courage it takes to be true to me. Because the brave me is the most open-hearted and loving me.
Safety cannot be found in perfect situations, people, or jobs. It cannot be constructed. I can experience ANY mountains or valleys or shadows or bliss, if I can TRUST myself to honor me at all costs.
Is it time to stop abandoning you yet? Is it time you have your own back?
I want to walk that journey with you. If you feel inspired, message me. Let’s talk.