The Illusion of Transactional Love
Updated: Nov 9
"He’s my world.” “She is my everything.” “It is my job to make my husband happy.” “I’m the only person who can make her feel truly loved.” “He’s the only person who can truly understand me.” “She completes me.” From a young age, we get the message loud and clear - true love is two people, fully reliant on each other. We develop the belief that someday we will meet the one person in the world, who will fulfill our desires and meet all of our needs. And then, we experience the greatest let down… There is not a person in the world capable of creating happiness and fulfillment FOR us. There is not a person in the world who can meet all of our needs. THERE IS NOT A PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO CAN TAKE AWAY OUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY FOR CREATING OUR OWN HAPPINESS AND FULFILLMENT. Some of us continue to beat our heads against the wall, hoping, praying, and completely unwilling to accept no one is going to be able to be “that magical person”. We keep frantically searching, growing impatient and frustrated with the flawed partners who never seem to match our deeply rooted childhood fantasies. We throw ourselves into relationships, doing our best to meet our partner’s every need. We bend over backwards to make our partner happy, then become incredibly agitated and upset when they seem completely incapable of creating the fulfillment we want. Even more frustrating is the fact our partner doesn’t seem to see all the MONUMENTAL effort we are putting into making THEM happy. Oh, transactional love… what a wildly disappointing illusion you are.
What this all boils down to is expectations and manipulation. It’s not love at all. When we make the transaction - “I’ll meet your needs, if you meet mine” it doesn’t work. We can’t get out of our own responsibility to create our own happiness and fulfillment. We can’t give away our responsibility to ourselves and our purpose on this planet. And we can’t ever meet that need in our partner. Ever. As our relationship unfolds and we become disillusioned and discontent, we become more desperate to get our needs met. We know life is meant to be more than this, so we pressure and manipulate our partners to do a better job creating our happiness. And the vicious cycle continues… A loving and honoring relationship is two people, taking responsibility for their own purpose in this world, owning their responsibility for their own happiness, and bringing their own commitment to THEMSELVES to the relationship. No one “owes” anything. Their relationship naturally just creates an even brighter light than the individuals that make it. The union in this relationship empowers each other to be MORE limitless, MORE energetic, MORE radiant, MORE irresistible than they ALREADY WERE. Have you given away the power to create your own happiness? Are you relying on someone else to do it for you? Is your partner also mirroring this behavior to you? You’re a Goddess, Love. Give her everything she deserves and stop waiting for someone else to do it.