I chose a lot of suffering before I got the lessons that I eventually learned.
Updated: Jun 1
I used to value the good girl and all her ways.
Tiptoeing around everyone's feelings.
Giving the shirt off my back.
Prioritizing compassion, understanding, and forgiveness.
Never giving up on ANYTHING.
Never appearing rude, demanding, or inconvenient.
NEVER EVER having a hint of SELFISHNESS.
Those were the values that governed my life, without limits.
And, those values crushed me. I couldn’t figure out why.
Until I discovered those very “good” things had a very dark side.
My compassion turned into enabling and codependency.
My empathy turned me into a doormat.
My loyalty kept me sticking around for abuse.
My generosity left me in debt and resentful.
My understanding and forgiveness turned into self betrayal.
My tenacity turned into manipulation.
My kindness turned into dishonesty and inauthenticity.
My selflessness turned into a total loss of myself.
I am an incredibly STUBBORN individual. SO, I chose a lot of suffering before I got the lessons. ;-)
👉I chose professions that took advantage of me.
👉I chose clients who took advantage of me.
👉I chose relationships that consumed me in every way.
I chose into experiences where I felt ripped off, trampled on, and exhausted, desperately trying to figure out WHY ME? Why did I get the “shitty hand of cards I was dealt”? Why was I the one who constantly got the “raw deal”?
😢I told myself it was because I just had a big heart.
😢No one had any respect anymore.
😢I was SO NICE and no one repaid my generosity.
I eventually learned I had to be KIND to myself before I was able to be truly KIND to others. I had to master my responsibility to honor MYSELF before I could EVER learn to honor others. I could not actually betray myself and love anyone else at the same time. What I called “love” was only a form of manipulation, coercion, transaction, control, and an attempt to earn my worth.
So, I painstakingly got willing to be honest - with myself, then with others. “The cards I was dealt” was simply an illusion I told myself. It let me off the hook. It let me stay in my pity party without taking responsibility for taking care of myself. Learning to have my own back has been a long journey. It has been messy. It has been full of shadows I struggled to look at.
💥Being brave enough to be honest
💥Brave enough to be authentic
💥Brave enough to be transparent
💥Brave enough to HONOR ME
🔥HAS FREED ME.🔥
And it can free you too.
In honor of my own journey and my own healing, I am DEDICATED to my purpose here, which is being a catalyst of SELF LOVE.