But What If They Think I'm Difficult?
I’m a SNOB. And I’m ok with that.
Back in the day, I avoided the perception of being a snob. High maintenance. Picky. Difficult. Inconvenient. Bitchy. Demanding.
So, I lowered my standards. I accommodated. I suppressed my desires. I went along when I didn’t want to. I chose to put everyone else’s needs above my own. I was always agreeable. I tolerated and settled. I told myself compromise and settling was realistic and necessary.
I was tormented by my own constant inner conflict. I was resentful no one seemed to reciprocate my continual self sacrifice. I was frustrated that my needs were always on the back burner and my own passions were never convenient to acknowledge.
But, no one thought I was a snob. No one saw me as a bitch. In fact, I soaked up any recognition of kindness, sacrifice, duty, and caretaking that was offered to my ravenous soul.
I was so caught up in managing everyone’s opinion of me I had betrayed any real truth about me.
My goals get in the way of your fun? Sure.
My values are silly to you? Sure.
My boundaries are inconvenient? Sure.
You want me to lower my standards? Sure.
For the sake of not being a SNOB, I gave in. Over and over and over. I said yes to most everything people wanted of me. My time. My home. My presence. My resources. My attention.
Today, it’s no longer worth it. You can perceive me as a SNOB, as a BITCH, as a PRUDE, as a GOODIE TWO SHOES, as HIGH MAINTENANCE. I no longer accept your perception of me as my responsibility to manage.
Managing other people’s opinion of me is no longer a valid reason to lower my standards, accommodate, or otherwise be anything other than authentic. If that makes me a snob in someone’s eyes, SO BE IT. ;-)
Where are sacrificing yourself in order to avoid someone else’s judgement or opinion?